Managers Letter
Handling Difficult Situations
by Sharon Marks
"If you'd just get off my back for a while, I could finish these reports!"
"He's such a perfectionist, we'll be here half the night!"
"That's quite an attitude for someone who is supposed to be a team member."
Sound familiar? Difficult situations can be puzzling, confusing -- even threatening. And while we face them every day of our lives, we can also learn positive things from them because they can:
Stimulate our thinking
(How can I get out of this mess?)
Motivate us toward greater accomplishments
(We actually made the deadline!)
Challenge us in new ways
(Talk about pushing the envelope!)
Focus on the problem, not the person.
Difficult situations can usurp a great deal of time and energy, especially when we don't accurately focus on the problems themselves. Instead, most of us focus on who is involved rather than on what is occurring. In reality, of course, we know we can't fix people, we can only fix situations. Take the following situation, for example:
The costs of a new project for your department have risen dramatically over the past year. You've had three new bosses in the past 16 months; two wouldn't even listen when you cautioned them about the rising costs. Several coworkers are out on stress-related disability and you're trying to train an intern to use a new software program that you barely know. Now you are under pressure from the new boss, who is ranting and raving about the escalating costs. If one more person yells at you or calls in sick, you're ready to walk!
Identify the real issue.
Can you identify the difficulty in this example? First, put aside emotional behaviors, such as the raving of the boss. Look at those problems that, in reality, are temporary and will eventually resolve themselves, such as the intern who will soon be able to use the new software independently. Coworkers on disability or calling in sick certainly create a burden, but they are not the real problem. As you sift through these various elements, you'll find you are left with one issue that absolutely demands your attention: the real rising costs.
Once you have identified the primary problem, you will have completed the first and most crucial of four steps in handling difficult situations:
Identify
the difficult situation
Clarify
your role to see if and/or how you can influence the difficulty
Evaluate
alternatives to help make a good decision
Discuss
the difficulty and the alternatives with every person who may be involved or impacted
Identifying the real problem is the most complex of these steps. Why? Because many times the actual difficulty is not so much
what
happened as it is the need to figure out
how to fix
what happened. Handling the boss's raving about escalating costs is necessary before moving on to more productive matters.
To proceed positively through a situation like this, first agree that a problem has been correctly identified: "Mr. Smith, you're absolutely right about the escalating costs." Once you have the listener's attention, explain how you can work to solve the problem: "I have some ideas about dealing with the costs that I'd like to discuss with you when it's convenient." By talking about the costs, as opposed to behavior, you begin to work on the problem.
Do not bring up previous efforts that may have gone unnoticed in the past. Focus on what you can do now. Instead of talking about each difficulty -- multiple bosses, differing priorities, people out from work, little or no buy-in for the goal of the organization, etc. -- begin to identify those areas you can change. Help the listener by paraphrasing any comments that may initially focus on people. Set the tone and model for correct behavior. When you focus on issues instead of individuals, you avoid unproductive faultfinding and other secondary symptoms.
There's a story about a politician's secretary who was frequently late for work. This created havoc with the politician's daily schedule planning and, consequently, he was often late for his appointments. The secretary, instead of admitting his flaw, made excuses for his tardiness by raising his voice, complaining bitterly about the subway, the weather or his watch, or his feelings of being unappreciated. One day the politician quietly said to him, "You must find another watch or I will find another secretary." The difficulty that the secretary refused to acknowledge was a simple matter of being on time.
Clarify your role.
After spotting a problem, clarify those facets of the difficulty that are within your ability to change. Being clear about possible action gives you the opportunity to determine who is in the best position to act. In the story above, the politician clearly stated which action was needed. It was within his role to help the secretary understand which action was expected and acceptable.
If you neglect to clarify your own role in achieving resolution, the difficulty may continue or even escalate. If you say nothing to an offending party or validate excuses by accepting them, you are indicating that nothing can be done about the situation. Clarifying roles makes sense. You direct your energy where you have the greatest chance of a successful outcome.
Weighing your options carefully is key to a successful resolution.
In order to attain successful results, you need to employ the third step of handling difficult situations: evaluating alternatives. Why is it so critical to evaluate alternatives and their possible impact? Because you need to align your efforts with business objectives. Alignment can be accomplished only after the difficulty has been correctly identified and your role clearly defined. Evaluating alternatives also involves thinking creatively, taking risks and considering new ways to look at old challenges.
Explain and involve.
To align effort and goals, it is essential that you discuss the difficulty and the alternative selected for handling it. Interestingly enough, the fourth step, discussion, is the easiest in the process, yet it is also the most often neglected. We sometimes forget the importance of keeping others informed and involved in the information loop. Discussing the difficulty with everyone involved offers multiple benefits: It ensures buy-in, answers questions and provides an opportunity to evaluate how the alternatives will affect everyone concerned.
Once you learn how to handle a difficult situation, it is no longer quite as confusing or frustrating.
Maybe it isn't really a difficulty at all.
We can't make difficulties go away. Yet what we think of as a difficulty may in fact be an opportunity. Using this four-step process allows us to discern the underlying causes of a particular event or problem, and, in turn, that knowledge may stimulate our thinking, motivate us to greater accomplishments and challenge us in new ways. The better we learn to anticipate difficulties and thereby lessen their frequency and impact, the better we can focus on the best use of our time, energy and resources.
Sharon Marks,
president of San Francisco, CA-based Top Marks Consultants and author of
It Pays to Praise,
works with companies to help their employees become more collaborative and effective. Top Marks conducts seminars on various communication topics at companies nationwide.
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Managers Letter
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Managers Letter
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