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Managers Letter
How to Talk So People Will Listen
by Sharon Marks
"If the words aren't from her mouth, and the ideas aren't from her brain, she's convinced they can't possibly
have any value! How do you get a person like that to listen?"
"I don't know what I'm going to do with him. It's impossible to get anything done without having to explain
the simplest task several times. And then he wants to come back umpteen times before actually starting the work."
Sound familiar? Why is it sometimes so difficult to get people to listen, really listen, to what you say? What does it
take to engage listeners' interest, hold their attention and get results? What makes some people successful at getting their
ideas across while others find people's eyes glazing over as they speak?
Communicating accurate, useful information is one of the great challenges of our times. When you consider that
modern technology can send a piece of information around the entire planet in less than
1/7th of a second, it staggers the
imagination to realize that it may take years to get a single idea through
1/4'' thickness of human skull.
Today, because of the prevalence of cross-functional work teams, international alliances and the global
marketplace, people must be able and willing to listen when others talk.
To achieve your goal of effective communication, first ask yourself these questions:
1. What do I want to say?
2. What does the listener want to hear?
3. What's the best way to say it?
4. What is the business impact of what I'm saying?
The following guidelines help answer these questions. Don't get discouraged engaging listeners is a skill that
requires constant practice and refinement.
Question One: What do I want to say?
Goal: Identify your objective
Clearly identify your reasons for talking. Sounds easy, but how? Ask yourself: After I'm done, what do I want people
to know or accomplish? Then write down your objective in six words or less.
Example: Your objective is to have employees evaluate the current level of efficiency on the manufacturing floor and then generate
alternate methods that increase productivity but not costs.
Objective: The six words might be "Let's share ideas on cost efficiency."
In the example, the simple statement that results also invites an exchange of ideas. It focuses on alternatives that are
cost effective. It implies that you don't expect decisions at the end of the discussion.
Second, before you start, WAIT. Ask yourself: Why
Am I Talking? It's important to consider the outcome you
expect. When you can define that clearly and concisely, you can better articulate not only your purpose in speaking, but
the listener's role as well.
Before speaking to an individual or a group, decide whether you want to inform your listeners or have them make a
decision. Be mindful that your goal isn't to embarrass or berate them.
The next step in getting people to listen is to anticipate their point of view, which will help you control how they
interpret your message.
Example: A manager frustrated by repeatedly having to remind people about budget constraints gathered his staff for a pep talk.
He said everyone had to improve. "You all know better than to take those kinds of risks!" he declared. "I can't believe you didn't get
better data before moving ahead!"
Outcome: The manager intended to motivate his staff, but his comments backfired; he failed to
WAIT or to identify his objective before speaking. People left feeling unappreciated and threatened. Instead of controlling costs, the meeting's outcome was to make
employees resistant and cautious.
Question Two: What does the listener want to hear?
Goal: Consider the listener's point of view
As speakers, we tend to think only about how we feel. Consider the essential other half of any conversation. To quickly
assess your listeners:
- Are they here voluntarily? Has the manager decided that a two-hour status meeting will fit nicely into
everyone's schedule at 4 pm on Friday?
- What previous experience, knowledge or interest do the listeners have in your
topic? Are you assuming things about your audience that may not be true? The more false assumptions you make, the greater the
potential damage to your credibility.
- What, if anything, have your listeners already demonstrated to indicate their buy-in or
resistance? Has there been any discussion on this topic and, if so, have people expressed any support or bias?
Once you've thought about your listeners' viewpoints you will be better able to link your objective with their
interests. Tailor comments to indicate your awareness of concerns, and where appropriate, respond to objections. Anticipating
your listeners' viewpoints can also help generate buy-in or defuse difficult situations before they escalate.
For example: "At our last meeting there was a reluctance to go forward with this issue. I now have information that
will answer your concerns and help us move on."
Question Three What's the best way to say it?
Goal: Convey the message
Another important strategy in effective communication is to decide on the best wording, timing and person to get the
message across to listeners.
Words can color a message and its reception. These basic rules will help in conveying information:
- Adults like to be asked, not told.
- Avoid statements like: "Do it according to the steps we all agreed on!"
Instead, try: "What do you see as the next step?"
- Adults like to be invited, rather than commanded.
- Avoid statements like: "You must work this weekend!"
- Instead, try: "If we all pitch in this weekend, we can make the deadline."
- Adults want explanations, not ultimatums. Avoid statements like: "Just do it; I don't have time to explain."
Instead, try: "I know you have questions. Let's finish this task, and meet back here later (specify
time). I'll fill you in then on all the details, okay?"
The appropriate setting and timing help convey a message. Always check first; for example, ask: "Is this a good time
for a five- or ten-minute update on Project X?"
Question Four: What is the business impact of what I'm telling people?
Goal: Describe how the message affects business outcomes.
Let's assume that at this point you are clear about your objective, have considered the listener's point of view, and
have decided the most effective wording, timing and person to deliver your message. Next, you want to link all this back to
the ultimate reason for talking about your topic: the effect the message will have on the person, the team or the company as
a whole.
This fourth step ties back to your objective. Your purpose in talking should directly connect to the larger picture
and help the listener see that connection, too.
- What will the individual, the team or the company do with this information?
- What are the possible business consequences if the information is used or if it is ignored?
- What is the business expectation and does that match the speaker's objective?
Now that you understand the thinking process behind these four basic guidelines of effective communication,
you'll need some practice. Think of a situation where you want to make sure people listen when you talk. Identify your own
objective. What is the point of view of the listener? Which words will effectively convey your message while establishing
relevance for the listener? How do you link it to the overall business impact?
Getting people to listen when you talk won't happen all at once. It takes practice. It also requires that you give
yourself a chance to: WAIT. Then you can accurately answer "Why am I talking?" and your listener will know why, too.
Good luck!
Sharon Marks, president of San Francisco, CA-based Top Marks Consultants and author
of It Pays to Praise, works with companies
to help their employees become more collaborative and effective. Top Marks conducts seminars on various communication topics at
companies nationwide.
The
Managers Letter
is published throughout the year by Olsten Corporation. For editorial inquiries, write Olsten Corporation, Marketing Communications Department, 175 Broad Hollow Road, Melville, NY 11747.
Material from the
Managers Letter
may be quoted or reproduced, provided appropriate credit is given to indicate that the material was taken from the
Managers Letter,
a publication of Olsten Corporation.
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